The spork people were in control. They were more powerful than the Russian mob, AND the Italian mafia combined. The spork people told you where to take a shit and then shot your ass off with a gun whether you listened to them or not. There were also rumors about the sporkies using cacti as punishment, but no one ever lived to tell the tale.
The children, however, were always safe. So safe, it turned out, that whenever the spork was spotted, people would start having a carnival. The carnies were old people who had already been sporked. They knew what the damage was and how it was caused, yet remained silent.
Silently they erected the carnival rides and the kids came outside one by one to attend the carnival. Older teens came too, and sometimes their moms, but at a spork carnival you checked your mom at the door. Carnivals were for the children and everyone knew it. It went without saying.